Not the beginning of childhood, where parents naturally hold most of the control, and not yet the later teenage years, where independence becomes the dominant force — but an in-between space that is both influential and uncertain.

“The middle” is a position of shared power. Parents matter deeply, but they are no longer the only shaping force in a child’s life. Schools, peers, activities, technology, and social expectations now play a significant role. This can feel unsettling, especially for parents who care deeply and want to get things right.

Yet this middle position is not a weakness. It is a place of quiet influence, and when understood properly, it can be a foundation for both parental and child wellbeing.

Being “in the middle” means accepting two truths at once: you still matter enormously, and you cannot control everything. Your child is learning to navigate a broader world, often encountering pressures and dynamics you cannot fully see or manage.

Trying to regain full control at this stage often leads to stress — for parents and children alike. Wellbeing begins with recognising that guidance now works best when it is steady rather than forceful, values-based rather than reactive.

Children at this age benefit from knowing that their parents are present and reliable, without feeling monitored or managed at every turn. The middle is where trust starts to replace instruction.

Resilience in the prep school years is sometimes framed as pushing through challenges or coping without complaint. But true resilience — whether in families, institutions, or individuals — is built through stability.

For parents, this means creating a home environment that feels emotionally predictable. Calm responses to setbacks, consistent routines, and realistic expectations all act as buffers against school-based pressures. Home becomes a place where children can recalibrate, rather than perform.

This approach also supports parental wellbeing. When families are not constantly reacting to every test result or social issue, there is more space for perspective, patience, and rest.

Parents in this phase often act as bridges. You help your child make sense of school culture, friendships, successes, and disappointments. You listen carefully, even when the problem feels too small to escalate and too big to dismiss.

This emotional labour is demanding and often invisible. But it is here that children learn how to process complexity. By staying open, calm, and curious (rather than rushing to fix or judge) parents teach children that uncertainty is manageable.

Holding the middle means tolerating ambiguity, and that is a powerful life skill to model.

The middle years can be noisy with comparison: academic results, sporting achievements, social confidence. It is easy to be drawn into measuring success moment by moment, yet children develop over time. Wellbeing accumulates through repeated experiences of feeling safe, valued, and understood. Parents who resist excessive pressure and keep a long-term view help children build self-worth that is not dependent on constant achievement.

This does not mean lowering standards. It means broadening them by making room for rest, kindness, curiosity, and recovery alongside effort and ambition.

There is real strength in parenting from the middle. You are no longer directing every step, but you are still anchoring your child’s world. Your influence lies in credibility: being consistent, emotionally available, and grounded.

In a fast-moving and demanding environment, this steadiness matters more than control. By understanding and embracing your role in the middle, between guidance and independence, you support not only your child’s growth, but your own wellbeing as well.

And in these years of transition, that quiet strength can make all the difference.

Craig Cuyler
Designated Safeguarding Lead/Director of Wellbeing/
Head of PSHEe/Assistant Housemaster (Main School)